Betterness

10. To keep the budget balanced, I’ll rent the situation room for sweet sixteens. 
9. I will double your tax money at the craps table. 
8. Appoint Mitt Romney secretary of lookin’ good. 
7. If you bring a gator to the White House, I’ll wrassle it. 
6. I’ll put Regis on the nickel. 
5. I’ll rename the tenth month of the year “Barack-tober.” 
4. I won’t let Apple release the new and improved iPod the day after you bought the previous model. 
3. I’ll find money in the budget to buy Letterman a decent hairpiece. 
2. Pronounce the word nuclear, nuclear. 
1. Three words: Vice President Oprah.